Been a Miner for a Crotch of Gold

Well, it's been a while since I was stopped dead in my tracks by a mannequin. But tonight I was, by this charming display. I call this one "Goldthinger". It's part Shirley Eaton (look it up. I'll wait.), part Sinead O'Connor in the "Troy" video... and half Oscar statuette. As in, half OF an Oscar statuette.

For the coup de grace, however, you have to have a look at the closer-up pic

I know it's not a great pic, but squint a little. Yeah, you'll see it. Honest.

There ya go.

Yes, indeed. The MANNEQUIN has camel toe. An inanimate plastic body has a cooch wedgie. Amusingly, it almost resembles moose knuckle, which shouldn't even be possible.

But I digress.

I ask you this: if the mannequin looks like she's on her way to crotch damage, what hope will actual human female have to survive the agonies of walking half a block? We should probably consider contacting the FDA about getting these approved as abstinence promotion devices. Pain is a powerful demotivator.

And for the boys, sandpaper condoms!